[cash] the crazy lady who always calls my phone looking for paul called
[cash] I HAVE SPOKEN
[cash] just finish all of your social interactions by booming that at people
[cash] venti unsweetened light room iced coffee for grossman
[cash] I HAVE SPOKEN
[cash] that sort of thing
[me] i don't think i could pull that off
[me] ordering a complicated coffee beverage, i mean ... not the booming voice part
[cash] i'm going to pick a task out of the sprint tomorrow
[cash] which will really mean somebody else doing it while i watch
[cash] since i have no fucking idea what it is we do here
[me] THAT'S CALLED AGILE PROGRAMMING AND IS ENCOURAGED
[cash] it is, in fact, encouraged
[cash] i would scoff except that this team appears to get shitloads of stuff done
[me] Agile Programming = coding with your feet behind your head
[me] though I guess that's more Flexible than Agile
[me] hmm
[me] Agile Programming = coding while scoring a critical hit on an ogre
"I'm a much better girl than I am an athlete. By the way, I just completed my Batman [video] game." -- Felicia
Colleague: "Why is my unix password expiring every 10 days?"
Me: "Is your password 'Tungsten-187'?"
Anonymous: "Let's eat something early so I can avoid the stomach digestion
while we're doing it."
Me: "I think you just single-handedly composed the most romantic sentence ever."
[cash] the iPad is a big ipod touch
[cash] with a faster processor and more memory
[me] i'm not sure what an iPod Touch is ... does it just play music and videos?
[cash] okay
[cash] take an iPhone
[me] k
[cash] subtract the phone
[cash] get an iPod touch
[cash] subtract the camera
[cash] drive a steamroller over it
[me] :D
[cash] get an iPad
Me: "[IN] Recommendations for mail-order pet medication"
Prashant: "Do mail-order pets require a different set of medicines from regular pets?"
"His relationship with the IRS is a distant one." -- Henry
Me: "I promise not to send you any mail in the middle of the night tonight."
Flea: "It's ok. You've already woken me up twice today. I don't mind the late night
virtual booty call."
Me: "If you tape your phone to your butt it'll be more than just a virtual
booty call."
Flea: "Gives 'crackberry' a whole new meaning."
[adam] That Russian chick has a hot accent
[adam] I'm not even into blondes
[me] i think she's Czech
[me] just guessing
[adam] Uhh ... I think it's Russian, actually
[me] really?
[adam] I'm pretty sure
[adam] She smells of communism
[adam] Hrm ... can you be a professional sperm donor? Like ... go pro?
[me] i already am, my friend
[adam] That should be an olympic event
[adam] Just a room full of guys whackin' it
[adam] You win for speed and accuracy
[me] what about volume?
[me] or would that be a separate event?
[adam] Hrm ... that could be a secondary consideration
[me] gotcha
[adam] Maybe you could combine it with skiing, like they did with that
shoot-while-you-ski thing
[adam] Day Trader would be right up your alley
[adam] You're super Jewish
[me] totally
[adam] And you already dress the part
[adam] Like, if I had to guess what your occupation was if I didn't
know you, I'd either say Day Trader or gay
[me] sweet jesus
[adam] Yeah, you can CC him
[adam] DUDE ... that's a brilliant idea ... I'm gonna start adding
jesus to the CC list of my tickets
[me] "Related Item: TT012345678 - Jesus already died for our sins"
[adam] lol
[me] Pending: Revelations, Chapter 1
[alex] Dragon Age
[mj] dragon age is boring as fuck
[alex] I dont think it's boring
[alex] but it's not great
[alex] it's good
[mj] have you beat it?
[alex] Every morning skippy
Me: "Somebody kill me ..."
Adam: "Eh ... then I wouldn't have anyone to talk to."
Me: "What about Amy?"
Adam: "I can't say the same things to her that I can to you."
Me, consolingly: "Eventually you two will grow to have the same close relationship that we have."
Amy, matter-of-factly: "I ... don't see that happening."
"It's not so much the trauma of it; it's the extreme burning in my urethra." -- Adam
[cash] "Cash ... has been very helpful and has been working ... to get the issues resolved."
[cash] okay, now people need to stop putting that in their email
[cash] the last fucking thing i need is a reputation for being helpful
[cash] "Cash peed on my bed when I asked him to help," that's what I need being circulated
Me: "Wow, a vendor lead time of 290 days."
Adam: "Maybe it's an import."
Me: "From where? Mars?!"
[mike] [we] had no backup db but our password was impossible to crack!
[me] ours is impossible too
[me] it's 3 letters and a number
[alex] d4ang?
[alex] i mean
[alex] d4ang
[alex] DAMNIT
[cash] You know that's how the plague started back in the day. From a little disgusting birdbath in someone's back yard that rats ... made sex to birds in it and created a whole new type of AIDS.
Starbucks employee: "What name would you like us to put on the drink today?"
Cash: "Are you suggesting that I'd ever use a name other than the one my mother gave me?"
SB: "No, no, not at all."
Cash: "Very well. Put 'Mom' there."
SB: "Your mother named you Mom?"
Cash: "Yes, I was named after her. You see, it's a sentimental thing, since she died very
shortly before my birth."
SB: "Your mom died during childbirth?"
Cash: "No, that would be a weird coincidence. She died in a car accident."
SB: "Oh."
[cash] and at the end of it, they go
[cash] "Okay, want to try it again now that we've fixed the problem?"
[cash] and i said, "It's midnight. No great endeavors start at midnight.
Every one I've ever begun ended in tattoos and venereal diseases."
[sr] anon: you have any background in security? our team is hiring like mad
[anon] sr: I have a .45 and a shotgun
[anon] Is that good enough?
[alex] yes, I have been questioning the value of facebook lately too. I've reconnected with
people I missed from previous lives, and its shallow and unfulfilling
[cash] yes, that's because you didn't really miss them
[cash] it's not like the mailman got cholera and lost the bundle of letters i sent
[cash] if i stopped communicating with somebody, it's because i didn't want to take
the time to go and communicate with them.
[cash] and so bringing them back all in your life just adds to the amount of relationship
chores i'm going to feel bad about neglecting
[cash] like, i miss my brother, and so i call and email him periodically.
[cash] i don't miss my cousin megan
[cash] so finding out that she's just gotten second prize in the ladies who look like
frodo baggins contest is not helpful
[me] i can't go to the bathroom until i get this kindle cord
[cash] one that will reach all the way into the bathroom?
[cash] are you out of batteries?
[me] no
[me] i need to transfer a file
[me] and i don't want to pay WhisperNet to do it
[cash] $.10!
[me] i thought it varied by size
[cash] sure sure
[cash] how big is the file?
[me] uh
[me] big
[cash] is it 8 gigs of katja kean photos?
[me] yes
[cash] just pull it to the pic of emily dickinson
[me] rofl
[cash] just keep resetting until you get that one
[cash] Boom! and I played some bed mole hunting
[cash] and then i slept for 45 minutes
[cash] brian: fucking fucking fuck fuck
[cash] me: are we now in an f-bomb safe zone?
[cash] brian: i guess we'll find out
[cash] me: there you go again, testing in prod
You go piece and piece but your world is bound There was of this mirror only shown Darken image at the back of flesh I am least the one who cries Just the air firing red at the sky Fear are all the filth in your eyes You can`t understand what can you see The world changes, there`s no tomorrow So the world shall fear me Like the silence in my heart And the peace shall tear me Through the darkness in my heart So the world shall fear me Like the silence in my heart And the peace shall tear me And the worries of the arrival -- "The Harmony Remains", Mors Principium Est
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