Jacky: Why?
Christian: Because I am racist against Chinese people.
Jacky: I have never seen any evidence of that.
Christian: For example, I do not like you.
Jacky: Why are you racist against Chinese people?
Christian: Because I'm angry that General Tso outranks Colonel Sanders.
Jacky: There's no General Tso's Chicken in China. That's an American dish.
Christian: That's false; I often have it in Chinese restaurants.
Jacky: But we don't call it General Tso's Chicken.
Christian: Another reason I don't like the Chinese: they are deceptive.

[alex] i'm thinking about being mj for halloween
[mj] you better smear some rogaine on that babyface of yours if you want to be me
[alex] I got that covered
[alex] gunna glue a cat to my face

[christian] so he says, well, we're going to have the XXXX team do a lot of this shitwork [so you don't have to]
[christian] and i say, well, sparky, the last two projects XXXX did were complete shit from shitville, so I'm not thrilled at that decision

[christian] CNN projects Obama wins New Jersey, Illinois, Connecticut; McCain takes South Carolina, Oklahoma, Tennessee
[christian] CNN projects sun rises, sets

Kim, upon seeing me for the first time in weeks: "You are such a smart-ass."
Me, gleefully: "I know."

"I get raped." -- Kim

"You are such a shit-disturber. I love it." -- Kamil

[me] oh
[me] hah
[me] hmm
[me] nvm
[me] lol

Seller: "HD-DVD blowout. Best offer by EOD today gets them all. Bidding starts at $2."
Moron 1: "I'll give you $3 for Last Samurai."
Seller, being gracious: "CLARIFICATION: I will not be selling these individually. It's all or nothing."
Moron 2: "$5 for Hustle and Flow."

"I lived in the international dorm at school. What I remember about the exchange students was them all getting raging drunk and everybody fucking everybody else (me not included, though, since I was actually pursuing a real degree and had to like, study and stuff. Also I hate people.)" -- Damien

[damien] Dan: I was 5'3" until I was about 23 so I understand your pain
[me] what happened to you when you were 23, damien?
[damien] I grew four inches in three years
[christian] he had his legs installed.

[me] that's pretty weird
[christian] i think that may not be growth
[christian] that may be radiation
[me] right
[christian] did you get super powers?
[damien] Well, I stopped growing, and as far as I know I can't shoot magnetic lasers from my nose or control the color purple

Our spaghetti						Our father
Who art in the colander					Who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy sauce					Noodly be thy appendage
Thy serving come					Thy kingdom come
Thy strands be wrung					Thy will be done
On forks as they are on spoons				In the microwave in just 2 minutes
Give us this day our daily meatball			Give us this day our daily pasta
And forgive us our starchiness				And forgive us our piracy
As we forgive those who are starchy against us		As we forgive those who pirate against us
And lead us not into Kraft parmesan			And lead us not into gnocchi
But deliver us from Chef Boyardee			But deliver us from Cthulhu
For thine is the garlic					For thine is the kingdom
And the onion and the bay leaves			And the beer volcanoes and the stripper factory
For ever and ever.					For ever and ever.
Ramen							Ramen
  -- The Flying Spaghetti Monster's Prayer, #1		  -- The Flying Spaghetti Monster's Prayer, #2