Spring 1997 Oldproj

Dan Price: "You got PLAY in kindergarten?"
Elana: "Well, not PLAY play. But pretty good for a kindergartener."

"Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Lions and tigers and CAR! Oh shit!" -- Lauren Beslow and Me, skipping up Wall Street

"Don't go postal on me, Rachel." -- Rachel Easterly's father

"There are some butt-ugly people in this world, and you aren't one of them." -- Rachel

"Because you KNOW what happens when you eat the RED jello. You become psychotic. Can you say 'psychotic'?" -- Lauren, quoting the BK Master's wife

Me: "That's way too anal."
Hanif: "That's my point."

Argo: "Hmmm ... pig on a spit ... matzah ball soup ... pig on a spit ... matzah ball soup ..."
Hanif : "How'd you die? ... I tried to fool God. ... You go to HELL!"

"She's really bad at e-mail." -- Elana

"I thought you said, 'Hot Farkas!' and that's why I was cracking up for the longest time." -- Hanif

"Dude ... I'm really good at epiphanies." -- Tom Benjamin

"It's really easy to become a shaman, you just need to have a random near-death experience." -- Tom

Sean Smeland: "She took uselessness to a new level today. I asked her if she could tell me what the deadline is for applications for a junior spring term abroad. She just started drooling--"
Me: "-- she started palsying."
Sean: "Yeah, she was on the floor retching."

Tamara Fisch: "I would vote for you for President but you like Rush Limbaugh."
Shana Katz: "He's cuuuute."

"Are you Jewish?" -- Chasid, to Tamara

"Oh ... Chicago isn't a state, is it?" -- Jess St. Croix

"Yes, but for me the grease is all gone, and I'm naked." -- Me

alternatively...

Hanif: "It's like sliding down a greased pole."
Me: "Yes, but for me the grease is all gone, and I'm naked."

Me: "Did I ever send you that forward about--"
Shana: "I hope not."

"Yeah, she is pretty cynical-- What the FUCK is this SHIT?!" -- Me

Hanif: "Cady's been promising to visit since--"
Hilary: "Since the cows come home?"
Hanif: "... Umm ... no."

Hanif: "You have no redeeming qualities."
Me: "You have no balance."

"I don't believe in hell. Which is great, because if I'm right, there's no point worrying, and if I'm wrong, I'm bound there anyway, so there's no point worrying." -- Shana

"Don't you remember when this was silly?" -- Me

Me: "Can I cause you pain?"
Nif: "No."
Me: "Are you sure you don't want me to cause you pain?"

"This is obscene; I'm moving just because of the obscenity factor." -- Nif

"Yeah, but I was sitting on a WALL!" -- Me

Nif: "She's freaking weird."
Me: "Yeah, she's just messed up."
Nif: "I mean, she's really weird."
Me: "Yeah, she's messed up."

Me: "What did I say before that?"
Hanif: "You didn't say anything."
Me: "Yeah I did."
Hanif: "Oh, I didn't hear you; you were in the closet."

Rachel: "I'm listening to the music in my head. It's got a lot of bass. I've got a 12 inch dick."
Claire Fallender: "What??? There's music in your head? Wha ... huh?"

Nif: "Rock or classical?"
Rachel: "What's the situation?"

Me: "People who live in glass houses should dress in the basement."
Sean: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't sleep naked."
Me: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't blow goats."
Sean: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't piss off their neighbors."
Me: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't have ugly furniture."
Sean: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't engage in pagan rituals."
Me: "People who live in glass houses shouldn't engage in incest."

Me: "What are you listening to now?"
Rachel: "Huh?"
Claire: "You know, the music inside your head?"
Rachel: "Oh. Nothing. I turned it off."

"You're such a fat fuck, Cartman, that when you walk down the street, people say, 'GOD DAMNIT, that kid's a BIG, FAT FUCK!'" -- Kyle

"Hey, wait a minute! Data structures don't have hair!" -- Sean

"Wow, the Japanese really ARE invading everything!" -- Texas

"I think a lot of my cousins are really cute, but I wouldn't want to mate with them." -- Kelly F.

Me: "I have something in my throat."
Rachel: "You've been kissing my boy, haven't you."
Me: [blank stare]
Rachel: "He has something in his throat too ... and it's not me!"

Rachel: "Did ... did you SIN with her?"
Me: "There IS no premarital sex in Judaism. Once you've fucked her, she's yours."

"It's so much easier when the girl does it." -- Me

"I thought you said, 'In a Ralph'." -- Me

Shana: "You know, for someone reading Virginia Woolf ..."
Sean: "I stopped."
Me, sarcastically: "Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Nice! Dead body! ... Oh, no wait, he's still alive."
"Kill someone!"
"Oh, yes! A dungeon! I get to kill people!"
-- all Sean, playing Diablo

"My butt's bigger than your will." -- Autumn

Hanif: "Yeah, we'll play it on Sean's computer! The .86 sitting out here."
Me (slow-mo, imitating Street Fighter II): "Er...ah...er...ah...er...oogi."
Sean (offended): "Hey, my computer doesn't have sound!"

Shana: "I could be an exotic dancer ... and it wouldn't ruin anything!"
Me: "I'd put that on my plan, but I don't have any room."

"You guys are the pi boys!" -- Autumn, another victim of sudden realization

"I don't date within my major. That would be wrong!" -- Shana

Sean: "How did I miss him?"
Me: "He moved."
Sean: "That sucks!"

"I wish I could spell any of that. Then I could put it on the board. But I can't!" -- Hanif

"Of COURSE it's lame; it's Bathroom Duck!" -- Hanif

Hanif: "I should snap your neck right now--"
Me, taken aback: "Why?"
Hanif: "'Cause it would be cool!"

Hanif: "Dan's on the floor retching."
Sean: "I refuse to live with Dean Dove's secretary!"

"OK, no more funny quotes. There's no more room on the board." -- Me